“I know, I know, there are few things more boring than people telling you what they dreamed about last night, but I gotta tell you about this one. It is so completely crazy.”
“Okay. If you must.”
“So, I dreamed that Trump hired a new guy to be his communications director named Scaramucci. Calls himself ‘The Mooch.’ Little guy with a lotta slick hair and a sharp suit, and the first thing out of the box, he does an interview where he channels Joe Pesci in “Goodfellas” – talks tough, cusses like a sailor, threatens people, comes across like a Mafioso wannabe. Out loud, in front of the world.”
“Cusses?”
“OMG! He calls Priebus a fucking paranoid schizophrenic! He says he wants to fucking kill all the leakers! He says the swamp is trying to defeat him but they’re going to have to go fuck themselves! He says Bannon sucks his own dick and is trying to build his own brand off the fucking strength of the president!”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Hey, it’s not me saying this stuff. It’s my dream. Anyway, then he says he’s calling the FBI about the leak of his financial disclosure form, which he says is a felony, only he doesn’t know that it isn’t a leak at all because the form is a public document, available to any and all. Then, after he says all this stuff to a reporter, he blames the reporter. He says he made a mistake in trusting a reporter.”
“So, Trump fires him, right?
“No! In fact, he doesn’t say a word. In fact, what he does is fire Priebus, so not only does he not fire The Mooch, but everyone thinks he’s gonna make him his next chief of staff.”
“Does he?”
“No. He gives that to John Kelly, the head of Homeland Security. Everybody says Kelly’s a no-nonsense kinda guy. So a commentator on one of the talk shows says he believes Kelly’s the right medicine – that he’ll bring order to the White House and get Trump to behave. Everyone laughs. Meanwhile, Trump’s Interior Secretary, Zinke, calls up Senator Murkowski and does a Mafia don thing on her about her health care no vote. He says Alaska is such a pretty state – me and the Donald would hate to see anything ugly happen to it. Or words to that effect.”
“Then what happened?”
“That’s when I woke up.”
"Boy, that was some crazy dream. The Mooch! Where do you come up with this stuff?"
No comments:
Post a Comment